A birthday card....

So there's a bit of ego involved in this post. Surprise, surprise for those that know me. But I like the writing I do in letter form and this one is quite important to me actually. Let's hope I my little nephew-to-be will appreciate it in 10 years. When you read this, lil' newphew, and truly understand it, we're going out dancing.



The card:

Dearest sister,
HBD SUCKA!!! How are you on this fine day? I trust that you truly enjoyed your incredibly expensive cupcakes last night! Good thing we bought that cupcake carrier, now isn't it? Or...did you use it? HA! I know you didn't!! BUSTED!! But anyway....

Enough ball busting or, as they say in español, tocando huevos (at work you can practice and say to your colleagues, "Ei! No me toques los huevos!" in front of Spanish speaking patients who need cheering up:)

Good lord I can get sidetracked. The point of this email is to say

"HappybirthdayIloveyouhopeyouhaveaniceday!"

There, I've done it. Now I have to admit that while it might be your birthday, the newest family member is already far more important than you (I'm sure you've already felt that to be true to some degree. I suppose the mothering instinct is to become more selfless and put the chitlins first). Therefore, out of serious concern for the baby, I've sent along this gift. You might think, "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit...that brother of mine is a cheap and lazy bastard." And, yes, you would be right. However, I would like you to take this gift very seriously. No, not the card, though it is hilarious. The song that is attached to this email is the gift. And while I may be cheap and lazy (I'm not so lazy anymore actually), I have gone through computer hell to get this song to you on this day.

I could not find it ANYWHERE to download and I finally decided to use my iTunes gift card that you all got me but it won't work on my Spanish iTunes account and I can't open an American one cause I don't have an American credit card so I had to figure all that out and it took forever and then I just bought the damn thing. By then I had realized that iTunes, and Apple in general, while awesome, have come to represent The Man. Now you know what The Man is like and he ain't be tryin' to let we poh folks enjoy life and shit. So The Man doesn't let you pass along a song that you've purchased on iTunes cause The Man wants all your friend to pay for that song too and that's how the man keeps us poh and miserable. God forbid music, the light of life, should be free and shareable. Sooooooo, your brother outsmarted The Man and downloading 3 different music hijacking programs before he found one that worked and he rerecorded the song from iTunes into a sendable (we hope) format and that is why he is sending it to you and to himself cause he isn't sure that it has worked.

But......(breathing, breathing..........) if it did work, then you have your gift and I will tell you why this gift is important. You have a baby in your belly. Well, some people call it a baby, others a little alien, others their first nephew. This baby will shortly be christened (in the secular sense I hope) a Schwartz, but this baby will have some Littenberg in him/her and if there is to be Littenberg in him/her, I, Uncle Joe, am going to make damn sure that he/she isn't the first baby in the immediate Gaylord-Walter Littenberg branch of the family who has no rhythm, doesn't care about music, and can't dance. Do you remember your wedding? Was it upbeat? Did anyone have any fun? Hellllloooooooooooooo....we ROCK! So this lil' mofo needs to be bouncing around in your stomach asap. Get it? So put it on now, burn it to 2 CDs and put one in your car and one in your house and take it to work on your iPod and get that little booty shaking like a polaroid picture!
Oh yeah and happy birthday, Ees.
I love you.

Yer bro.

By the way, for you blog readers, the song is called Ki Dit Mié by Magic System. Steal it from The Man if you can, but then go pay to watch Magic System perform.
Also, the video is sweeeeeeeet!