It's Because of You (a love letter)

It's because of you I'm writing this. Before you, writing was intangible. It was a discussion, not a reality. Your directness and harsh honesty had me yelling outside the Tower of London. Russian tourist groups turned to watch. I remember yelling at you crossing the Tower Bridge. Saying things I didn't mean. It's because of you and what you said that I've written what I have since then. It's because of you that I see the future I want as a possibility now, a door no longer locked by nonsense and fear.
"Write then," you said.
It's because of you that I ended up sitting cross-legged in front of a Laotian Buddhist healer this afternoon. And that with you so far away. You're not within 5,000 miles and yet, it was because of you. And earlier today, before finding myself there, drinking blessed water in a cup with a gold chain hanging out and a golden amulet with bright blue stones, you had me just as angry. The same reasons really, your directness. The same harsh honesty from you, only this time in a tone of voice and a mere goodbye. Your effect on me disgusted me. So powerful, and from so little.
But then I found myself there in that healer's little tent and meditating. And she told me to bow to the Buddha and pray for what I most want in this world. And what did I ask for? Only the patience to get through these moments with you. And love. The love to keep the patience. And lastly the courage to follow through with the things I want to do in this life, to write, my love, and plant a garden. And just in asking for it, it was as if granted. Not by the Buddha per say, though who's to say for sure, but by the fact that that was what I asked for. Those four simple things. And in asking for them I became aware that is what I want. And the clarity of it is like having them already, because I know what I want, and I know that it's because of you and me that I'm here now. And it will be because of you that the next time I falter or hesitate or doubt, I will be met with directness, harsh honesty, and love.