Beach Chair Chillin' (Figuras # 7)

Published in BCNWEEK
Issue # 13
September 15 - 21, 2006

I’ve been kicked out of bars by bouncers, kicked out of stores by managers, kicked out of the house by my mother, and kicked out of class by teachers. But I’ll bet not many mediocre rebels like me have been kicked out of their beach chair in Bogatell by a software engineer. Who’s the man? Yeah, that’s right.
Even you may have been kicked off one of the many lounge chairs, or hamacas, that litter the Barcelona beaches. You sat down, set up shop, and played stupid when someone, mysteriously, came to ask you for money. But you could only play dumb for so long, and then he gave you the boot. But you’ll never know if you were booted by a software engineer, a former professor, or a biochemist, because you didn’t stop to ask.
Left of Pizza Hut, Juan Luis, made his presence known. He’s a short and extremely brown little man. He was wearing shorts, a t-shirt, a cheap cap and sported a fanny-pack slung across his chest from shoulder to hip like a bandolier. A fine layer of dust the ayuntamiento of Barcelona likes to advertise as “sand” covered his entire person. He tried to kick guiri number 4,619 off of an unpaid-for lounge chair. That guiri fui yo. I fought back with a barage of questions, buying myself as much time as I could, like that time I held my position in an unoccupied first-class airline seat for a grand total of 43 seconds. A ver if I can last a little longer this time . . .
So, Juan Luis, how much do these here hamacas cost? "4 euros for the whole day." But it’s late, do I get a discount now? "No." You mean there is no price fluctuation at all? "None." (Damn . . . these one-line responses aren’t gonna keep me on this seat for long. Running time = 00:22). Are they yours? "No. They belong to the business." Oh, there’s a business? "Si. It’s a family business." Is it your family. "No, I just work here." Where are you from? "Bolivia." And how long have you been here? "I’ve been doing this for one month but I’ve been here for five. There’s no work in Bolivia. I was studying before and when I finished there was no work. So I came here." (He’s talkin’ now! Time = 01:13) What did you study? "I studied software engineering. I’m a software engineer. After I finished studying, I gave classes for a while but they payed me next to nothing. So I came here." (01:58) So you’re going to go back? "Si, si. I’m going back to start a business. I’m saving money here like crazy. I make good money. They pay me 1,100 euros a month." DAMN!!! "And when people ask me if I want to go out to eat I say, stay here, I’ll cook for you, and you can pay me. Do you know Bolivian food? Do you like picante?" (03:34) Love it. "I don’t have amigos. I’m single. No se ligar. And it’s hard to be here at the beach with chicas lindas everywhere when you can’t talk to them." Just be yourself, Juan. "The lifeguards are guapas too. That one up there is Spanish and the other is Argentinian. I like the Spanish one more. She has better legs. (04:49) Can you get up now? I have to finish working." (05:03)
Who’s the man? Yeah, that’s right. 0.0419 centimos worth of free lounge chair chillin.